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Psychic Medium, Relationship Expert and Healer

Guiding YOU to a Better and Brighter Future

Does my Wife Love Me?

Category: FREE Advice on your problems

My name is John, am not usually into psychics and mystics and agony aunt stuff but here I am as things have changed.  My main thing in life is my wife,  but it seems to me she has gone off me or never loved me in the first place.  If she does not love me I must face the truth and end it and start again with someone else. I truly hope I am wrong but would love to know what you think...

My wife is forty years younger than me, she is fit and healthy, I am getting on,  a lot of health problems and not fit at all.  My wife has a full life with a big family and lots of friends.  I am often bed ridden, needing help from nurses and doctors round the clock,  often unable to even get up without help and it is very rare I can leave the house. When I do I need a lot of help and it is for something like a scan or x rays where it is important but they cannot come to me.   My wife is beautiful and has a lovely shape and looks good, I am bent over,  find it hard to laugh and smile now, nothing to look at.

I used to be a company director of a huge business, was often mentioned in the newspapers and on television and radio,  had to retire years ago due to bad health.  Wife is  not into working now but she used to be a receptionist at my company which is how we met. Now she spends time on skiing, table tennis, charity events, dinner parties,I do not get to spend much time with her and do not want her to stay at home and get bored instead.   One of her interests is this sort of stuff, she told me she has paid to consult Beth Shepherd about various things through psychic and tarot readings, she has also written to her staff to ask agony aunt advice from them and is very happy with what they say but I feel sad that she does not share these worries with me. I have a very good brain, nothing wrong with it, and would have been  happy to listen and help her as we are best friends too.

Our sex life is nil. I am not well enough, it is too difficult, impossible for me now in many ways. I dread the thought of her meeting some handsome young man and going off with him or sneaking behind my back and putting it about discreetly, both are horrible, would not blame her but it would break my heart if she did and I found out.

What do you say?

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Linda Marshall Says:

Dear John,

I am very sorry to hear of your health problems. I am also sorry that you have such a great fear that your wife might leave you. I don't think that you would feel that way if she had a full time job. Or if she was a mum to your children.

As to her having an affair: that would be impossible for me to know. Even with all your agonising over this, I am not sure that you really want to know . That is the problem with being obssessive, it keeps you a prisoner in your own mind. Because if you really wanted to know, you would have asked her. The real question is though would you believe her if she said no, or admitted that she had. It is much safer to keep quiet and torture yourself with all you imagine that she might be doing, when she is away from home.

I feel that you must be pro-active in your marriage, and make the effort to not come across as the victim. Or to be more precise, as her victim, that is giving her way too much power.

For instance, why does she get to have fun and a social life, when you don't get either, is beyond me. You should be more assertive in this regard. For example, if she gets to go to the theatre, then you can have movie night. If she gets to attend functions, then at least have her throw dinner parties for you to see your friends. You are every bit entitled to a holiday as well. And I am happy to say that in this day and age there are many places that cater to the needs of those with serious medical conditions.

As a retired business man, I expect that you are familiar with the Latin phrase 'Quid Pro Quo,' it is about time, that you started applying it. It might help if you started taking an interest in other things, and a hobby or a pastime is something that you need to do, for your own sake as much as for your marriage. Your days will pass much more quickly and be more satisfying, than you can imagine.

There are many things that you can do whilst still in bed. You can take an interest in the current events of the day. Join Web sites and forums that take your interest, learn a foreign language, or sign up for an Open University course. You could even organise a charity event or even write your memoirs.

Now while you may not want to do any of these things, please bear in mind that a person who takes an interest in other things than his medical problems or worries that his wife might be cheating on him, is much more interesting as a person to spend your time with.

I could tot-up the likelihood of your wife cheating on you or being faithful. But the truth is we can never be sure one way or the other. You could always hire a private detective. But that is expensive and might be inconclusive.

The best way is seeing how she responds to the challenges that you present to her. If she is willing to go along with it, then you at least know that she is making an effort. If not then I advise you to consult a lawyer.

As for sex, I think a hug and a kiss hold deeper meaning. But there are ways for both of you to achieve satisfaction. You just have to be creative. Or you both have to invest in lovemaking, whatever form it takes.

Naturally I hope everything works out the way you want it. But even if it doesn't, I think that you have a lot to live for. I remember you saying, that you are prepared to move on and find love elsewhere. That proves to me that you have gumption and the ability to grab life by the horns. A most impressive combination!

If I might be so bold as to give a small suggestion: it might be better if at sometime in the future if you, with or without your wife moved to one of those flats that have carers on hand and other residents with their loved ones living with them. I think you have become too isolated. You don't have to be social, but at least the option is there if you should choose to take it up.

With All My Best Wishes,


Rae-London Says:
Dear John,

I am so sorry to hear about your health problems, i understand that they can be debilitating to your everyday life and affect the relationships of those around you. Often, physical health can can stop you from joining in in activities that may have helped you to strengthen a relationship -and without said bonding time- the relationship may feel like its failing.

However there is a lot of hope in your case! I do not believe you should let age be a factor to your problems because often when listing what you feel like is wrong with you it can lead to a depletion in confidence and result in a constant negative mood. This negativity can easily affect your wife and i believe one solution could be in a new positive mindset and to enjoy the time you do spend with her and create a positive environment to kill her feeling of boredom.

Not all health problems have an easy fix, however, an improvement can be had with a change in diet and whatever physical exercise you can do when you are not on bed rest. This attempt of lifestyle change will not go unnoticed to your wife and can be recognized to her as a huge effort on your part which can lead to appreciation and respect.

A new way to add to your relationship could be o find a new common interest, spirituality is a great way! It can open your mind to new ideas that are fun but are also not taxing on your health. You can learn to read tarot cards for example or find other interests that may be more suited to you both.

For your sex life, lots of fun can be had without intercourse, you can research different ways of pleasing your wife without a lot of physical effort. A toy perhaps?

To assume there is no love left on your wife's part may be a hasty presumption! I believe a good course of action is to try out these new ideas and see if she is responsive to your effort to please your wife as a loving husband, a good companion and a lover. She may not be receptive to your issues right now because you have not been completely forthright with her- if these methods are ineffective- a good bit of honesty and a deep conversation is vital!

I wish you the best of luck, John.

Glasshalffull-stockton-on-tees Says:
Dear John,

I am very sorry to hear of your health problems and your great fear that your wife might leave you. Would you be as fearful, if she had a full time job? I suspect not as much. As for your wife having an affair, it is hard for me to say. And do you really want to know?

If she goes out to dinner parties and charity events, and comes home to go to bed, probably not. I mean those sort of places are easy to access on your mobile phone if you are able to manage one. At the theatre, understandably she would have to switch it off.

As for skiing holidays, your mind probably runs rampant with what she gets up to. I presume that she goes with friends. Does she phone you every day? Does she email you her digital photos, if not - than why not? Of course these are no indicators that she is having an affair, only that she is having a much better time than you, at your expense.

If your wife goes to dinner parties, then you should have the option of her hosting dinner parties at your home for both your friends. And yes I know that you will say that you don't want to see anyone, or have anyone see you as you are now. Well true friends will want to see you. In any case it gives you something to look forward to. And if she is doing the donkey work, then she can't be elsewhere, now can she?

If she gets to go to the theatre, then you get to have movie nights. If she gets to go on holiday, then, so should you. We are very fortunate to live in such a time, that people like yourself can be catered for. Don't give her the option to walk all over you. You have the right to get as much enjoyment out of life as you can. Make her realise that for every jaunt that she enjoys, has to be paid in turn, with her company! You were once a successful businessman, now act like one. I am sure that that you have heard the expression 'Quid Pro Quo'.

As for sex, in my book holding hands, kissing and cuddling are more meaningful. Even if you cannot manage full sex, there are ways that you can satisfy your wife, and for her to please you.

Now I want to address, your main problem, which is that you don't have enough to do, except to obsess about your wife. Desperation is a marriage killer. It makes the person you care the most about, want to run away. In your heart of hearts, you must know this!

So you must do something about this, and the obvious answer is to take up a hobby or pastime, or even more than one. This could be anything from playing chess, learning a foreign language, writing your memoirs. Or even doing your own charity event at home.
Anything that keeps you interested. Because if you are interested, then you are bound to be more interesting as a person.

Yes I know that all this sounds very exhausting. But most of the effort is mental not physical. It also has the added thing that you are willing to fight for your marriage, time will tell if your wife is willing to do the same. At least this way, you will know one way or the other. It might be an idea, to consult a lawyer as to where you stand financially, should it come down to a divorce. It is best to be prepared for such a circumstance, should it arise.

If you find out that she is having an affair, then you need to think about your options. Would you be prepared to put up with it in effect sharing her affection, or would that be the end of the marriage for you? Either way no marriage can survive without communication and love, irregardless of your medical condition.

If you split up, you might consider moving into block of flats that have hot and cold running carers, and allows social interaction between you and the other residents. It goes without saying, that I hope you don't split up, and find that your marriage becomes stronger and ultimately happier. Lastly, I do actually have great hope for you, because you still think it is possible to find love, even if you lose the love of your life. Well done!

Glasshalfull Says:
Dear John,

I can tell that you love your wife, and desperately want to hold on to her. And while I am sure that she loves you as well, it can be hard to show it. My advice is to try and give her some breathing space. It is important that you do so, because your fear that she will eventually leave you, will make her back off and avoid you.

As my late husband's carer, I know how overwhelming and frightening it can be to have everything land on your shoulders. And yes there were times I wanted to run away. But it didn't last for long.

As I don't know your medical needs, it is hard to advise you on any interests or hobbies that you can take up. But doing something like learning a new language, playing chess or even putting your own skills to good use. A friend of mine, who was bedbound used to help his grandchildren, who were struggling with maths. It really made him feel that his life had become much more interesting and worthwhile. And it will give you both something to talk about, something other than watching the telly,. Though that can be nice too.

Sex is a touchy subject, but kisses and cuddles are often more meaningful. But don't put pressure on your wife, if she doesn't feel up to it. Just let her know in other ways that you love her. You have a lot going for you.